took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I understand Curling. That high.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
