I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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