have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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