STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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