Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
