i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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