He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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