he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
