i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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