thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
