Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
