there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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