do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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