Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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