laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
