he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
