Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
