I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
