Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
