She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
