Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
