"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
