community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
