If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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