Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
