Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
