Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
