I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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