happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
