well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
