carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
