I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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