You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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