I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
