dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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