im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
