If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
cat food counts as protein by the way
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
