i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
