we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
birth control should be required to get into college
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
