Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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