Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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