You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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