it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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