My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
