umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
