So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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