I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
