eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
