Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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