Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
