My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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