i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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